You might think I'm bulletproof, but I'm not.

The truth? I lie to my parents about where I stay the night. I hang out with people that are "too old" to be my friends. I cheated on a boyfriend once. I don't always know what the right thing to do is. I make bad decisions that lead to even worse consequences. I convince myself to believe a lie to justify some things that I do wrong. I've commited larceny. I manipulate people to get them to think I'm a better person than I actually am. Sometimes I want to punch my sister in the face because even though she's only ten, she irritates me that much. I spend more time on the phone texting than doing my homework. I get stressed easily. I pretend like your insults don't hurt my feelings, but inside I'm beating myself up over it because you've said it so much that I begin to see it as truth. When I get frustrated, I cry. I drive too fast, run too many stop signs, and don't always wear my seatbelt. When I make mistakes and try to fix them, I end up making everything worse. I'll tell you I think I'm good enough, but I don't actually think I ever will be. I'm afraid to face the world after graduation, even though I've always looked forward to getting out of this place. I fight with my mom too much and just wish I could show her I really am listening and that she's my hero. I'm jealous of my older sisters. I had a miscarriage over a year ago that I never told my parents or any adults about, and never went to a doctor. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but keep a lot of other things hidden underneath. I don't sort my laundry. I say that I love to write, but I hardly ever do anymore. Someday I want to open my own business. I don't like being told what to do. I'm extremely bossy and like to take charge, but don't like letting other people do the work because I feel like if I didn't do it then it wasn't done correctly. I try too hard when I should give up and give up when I should be trying harder. I lie by omission. When I'm depressed I buy two different ice cream pints and eat them both one spoonful of each at a time while watching sad movies in my room. I hate when people pretend to be older than they are, or think they're more mature than they are. I don't eat cream cheese ever unless it's with cinnamon sugar pretzels. I spend a lot of time doing crossword puzzles. I'm extremely indecisive. I tend to let bad things come my way, and when a good thing falls into my lap I somehow find a way to screw it up. I hurt the people who care about me and care about the people who are only going to hurt me. I've knowingly let myself get used, and I wish I'd had the self esteem to stop it from happening. My favorite color is white. A lot of people think I'm smart, but I still don't use my common sense and end up looking like an idiot. I don't think through most situations and I act on impulse. I don't like confrontation. I ignore friends when I'm too afraid to tell them how I really feel because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I change my personality to match the group of people I'm around. I pick up other peoples' body language and vocabulary. I seem to have everything put together so well, but in reality I'm just barely keeping myself from falling apart. I've got a lot of people who tell me they care, but sometimes I wonder how many of them would actually cry at my funeral. I like to believe the best in people and it usually gets me screwed over. I don't know when to speak up for myself, and I never know when to keep my mouth shut. I break hearts but have done everything possible to keep mine locked up, and have managed to get by with only a few cuts and bruises. These are a few of the many truths that I can tell you about myself.



But I can't tell you where I'm going to be five years from now, ten years from now. I can't tell you who I want to be with the rest of my life. I can't tell you if I'll be as successful as I hope, or if I'll even live long enough to make it possible. I can't tell you if I believe in God or not. I can't tell you what friends will be there for the rest of my life. I can't tell you where I'll live when I go out into the world. I can't tell you why the sky can be so many different shades of blue, purple, orange, and pink all at once.



All I know is that the sun will rise every morning, and the moon will take its place at night. I know what I hope to do with my life in the next year. Anything other than that will just happen on its own. I am only a seventeen-year-old girl. From now on, your expectations of who I should be will be at the bottom of my list. And at the top? My personal goals and ambitions. Finally, I feel content with my life. I'm accepting full responsibility to my mistakes, and am living my life to please no one but myself.



Thanks for all the help, everyone. But your assistance is no longer needed. I can handle things on my own from now on. Nobody can bring me down, and I'm the only one who can pick myself up and put the pieces back in all the right places.



LIFE IS GOOD :)