The truth? I lie to my parents about where I stay the night. I hang out with people that are "too old" to be my friends. I cheated on a boyfriend once. I don't always know what the right thing to do is. I make bad decisions that lead to even worse consequences. I convince myself to believe a lie to justify some things that I do wrong. I've commited larceny. I manipulate people to get them to think I'm a better person than I actually am. Sometimes I want to punch my sister in the face because even though she's only ten, she irritates me that much. I spend more time on the phone texting than doing my homework. I get stressed easily. I pretend like your insults don't hurt my feelings, but inside I'm beating myself up over it because you've said it so much that I begin to see it as truth. When I get frustrated, I cry. I drive too fast, run too many stop signs, and don't always wear my seatbelt. When I make mistakes and try to fix them, I end up making everything worse. I'll tell you I think I'm good enough, but I don't actually think I ever will be. I'm afraid to face the world after graduation, even though I've always looked forward to getting out of this place. I fight with my mom too much and just wish I could show her I really am listening and that she's my hero. I'm jealous of my older sisters. I had a miscarriage over a year ago that I never told my parents or any adults about, and never went to a doctor. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but keep a lot of other things hidden underneath. I don't sort my laundry. I say that I love to write, but I hardly ever do anymore. Someday I want to open my own business. I don't like being told what to do. I'm extremely bossy and like to take charge, but don't like letting other people do the work because I feel like if I didn't do it then it wasn't done correctly. I try too hard when I should give up and give up when I should be trying harder. I lie by omission. When I'm depressed I buy two different ice cream pints and eat them both one spoonful of each at a time while watching sad movies in my room. I hate when people pretend to be older than they are, or think they're more mature than they are. I don't eat cream cheese ever unless it's with cinnamon sugar pretzels. I spend a lot of time doing crossword puzzles. I'm extremely indecisive. I tend to let bad things come my way, and when a good thing falls into my lap I somehow find a way to screw it up. I hurt the people who care about me and care about the people who are only going to hurt me. I've knowingly let myself get used, and I wish I'd had the self esteem to stop it from happening. My favorite color is white. A lot of people think I'm smart, but I still don't use my common sense and end up looking like an idiot. I don't think through most situations and I act on impulse. I don't like confrontation. I ignore friends when I'm too afraid to tell them how I really feel because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I change my personality to match the group of people I'm around. I pick up other peoples' body language and vocabulary. I seem to have everything put together so well, but in reality I'm just barely keeping myself from falling apart. I've got a lot of people who tell me they care, but sometimes I wonder how many of them would actually cry at my funeral. I like to believe the best in people and it usually gets me screwed over. I don't know when to speak up for myself, and I never know when to keep my mouth shut. I break hearts but have done everything possible to keep mine locked up, and have managed to get by with only a few cuts and bruises. These are a few of the many truths that I can tell you about myself.
But I can't tell you where I'm going to be five years from now, ten years from now. I can't tell you who I want to be with the rest of my life. I can't tell you if I'll be as successful as I hope, or if I'll even live long enough to make it possible. I can't tell you if I believe in God or not. I can't tell you what friends will be there for the rest of my life. I can't tell you where I'll live when I go out into the world. I can't tell you why the sky can be so many different shades of blue, purple, orange, and pink all at once.
All I know is that the sun will rise every morning, and the moon will take its place at night. I know what I hope to do with my life in the next year. Anything other than that will just happen on its own. I am only a seventeen-year-old girl. From now on, your expectations of who I should be will be at the bottom of my list. And at the top? My personal goals and ambitions. Finally, I feel content with my life. I'm accepting full responsibility to my mistakes, and am living my life to please no one but myself.
Thanks for all the help, everyone. But your assistance is no longer needed. I can handle things on my own from now on. Nobody can bring me down, and I'm the only one who can pick myself up and put the pieces back in all the right places.
LIFE IS GOOD :)
29 August 2010
22 August 2010
You Get What You Deserve
My closet door in my room is plastered from top to bottom in pictures of myself and friends. Some are as old as 2006, and the most recent ones were from maybe 2008. Every time I sit at my desk, I can't help but to look at them and notice just how much I've changed. Some pictures have people that I don't even talk to anymore in them. There's pictures of some people that I'm still good friends with... But it's not the people in the pictures that I think about; when I look at them it makes me remember the kind of person I used to be, who I wanted to be, and who I am now.
Who I used to be would hate who I am now. And who I am now misses who I used to be. Obviously I can't rewind the time and change the outcome of things. But it really was never supposed to happen like this... Three years ago I would never have believed you if you told me I would turn out this way. Three months ago, I still would not have believed that. A month ago, I thought I was smarter than this. I thought I could take care of myself, I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. If you want to tell me "I told you so", go ahead. I deserve it. I should listen, but I'm too busy not keeping my mouth shut and too busy thinking my selfish thoughts that I tend to drown everyone else out.
I'm one of those girls who likes to believe the best in everyone, even in the worst people. I like to give everyone at least one opportunity to prove others' judgments wrong, to show me that they aren't what they seem. Usually they succeed. But this time, I proved myself a fool. Everyone can see it stamped on my forehead. I made a mistake. I learned from it, and am trying to move on. That's the best I can do in this situation.
Immediately after I proved my stupidity to the world, I found yet another way to complicate things. I never fail to make myself more miserable it seems... So yet again, I do something similar to before, under different circumstances. I thought I could handle it, but I couldn't. I'm still working on figuring out where I stand with that.
And on top of both prior issues, I allowed myself to do the biggest no-no of all, making the level of difficulty of my situation rise from a 6 to a 600 on a scale of 1-10. :/ I hate when I make decisions without really thinking things through.
Say what you want. Insult me. Tell me I'm the dumbest person you've ever met. It's okay; I know it's all true. Nothing you say is going to make me feel any worse than I already do. If I could show you just how much I hate myself right now, it would blow your mind. I didn't think it was possible to ever hate myself, but I do. I make bad choices that lead to even worse situations, and in the end someone always gets hurt. Lately it's been me. But since I'm the one hurting myself, I can't blame anyone else.
I spent my whole life doing what was expected of me. Then I screw up for once, and all of a sudden I become the biggest disappointment in life. That just makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside, knowing I'm never going to be good enough to fit your image of what I should be. I'm tired of contorting myself to fit into your mold of perfection. There's only so far i can bend until I break, and obviously something made me snap this time. I just wanted to have a little fun, and now everything is a mess.
I'm trying to look on the bright side, but it's not really that bright.. it's just slightly less dim than the side I'm on now. But I don't know how to fix any of this. Saying sorry doesn't do any good. I can't take back what I did. I feel like I'm going to be stuck in this misery for a while. I guess I can deal with that. I'm tired of changing for other people though, and I wish for once you'd just let me work things out on my own rather than getting involved thinking you know best. You don't know everything, but neither do I. So why not just let me figure it out for myself? I only learn my lessons the hard way, so just leave me to that.
The worst part? Even after all I've said here, you still don't know the half of it
Who I used to be would hate who I am now. And who I am now misses who I used to be. Obviously I can't rewind the time and change the outcome of things. But it really was never supposed to happen like this... Three years ago I would never have believed you if you told me I would turn out this way. Three months ago, I still would not have believed that. A month ago, I thought I was smarter than this. I thought I could take care of myself, I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. If you want to tell me "I told you so", go ahead. I deserve it. I should listen, but I'm too busy not keeping my mouth shut and too busy thinking my selfish thoughts that I tend to drown everyone else out.
I'm one of those girls who likes to believe the best in everyone, even in the worst people. I like to give everyone at least one opportunity to prove others' judgments wrong, to show me that they aren't what they seem. Usually they succeed. But this time, I proved myself a fool. Everyone can see it stamped on my forehead. I made a mistake. I learned from it, and am trying to move on. That's the best I can do in this situation.
Immediately after I proved my stupidity to the world, I found yet another way to complicate things. I never fail to make myself more miserable it seems... So yet again, I do something similar to before, under different circumstances. I thought I could handle it, but I couldn't. I'm still working on figuring out where I stand with that.
And on top of both prior issues, I allowed myself to do the biggest no-no of all, making the level of difficulty of my situation rise from a 6 to a 600 on a scale of 1-10. :/ I hate when I make decisions without really thinking things through.
Say what you want. Insult me. Tell me I'm the dumbest person you've ever met. It's okay; I know it's all true. Nothing you say is going to make me feel any worse than I already do. If I could show you just how much I hate myself right now, it would blow your mind. I didn't think it was possible to ever hate myself, but I do. I make bad choices that lead to even worse situations, and in the end someone always gets hurt. Lately it's been me. But since I'm the one hurting myself, I can't blame anyone else.
I spent my whole life doing what was expected of me. Then I screw up for once, and all of a sudden I become the biggest disappointment in life. That just makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside, knowing I'm never going to be good enough to fit your image of what I should be. I'm tired of contorting myself to fit into your mold of perfection. There's only so far i can bend until I break, and obviously something made me snap this time. I just wanted to have a little fun, and now everything is a mess.
I'm trying to look on the bright side, but it's not really that bright.. it's just slightly less dim than the side I'm on now. But I don't know how to fix any of this. Saying sorry doesn't do any good. I can't take back what I did. I feel like I'm going to be stuck in this misery for a while. I guess I can deal with that. I'm tired of changing for other people though, and I wish for once you'd just let me work things out on my own rather than getting involved thinking you know best. You don't know everything, but neither do I. So why not just let me figure it out for myself? I only learn my lessons the hard way, so just leave me to that.
The worst part? Even after all I've said here, you still don't know the half of it
12 August 2010
An Original... from 2008.
Strange how a poem I wrote two years ago can seem so relevant to me still. Hmm.
Awake
I'm afraid to close my eyes;
When I do I see your face.
So here I lay,
Awake.
I feel so out of place
Even in my own mind.
I'm at a loss for speech
Watching time pass me by.
I won't allow the words
To pass my lips,
To say it was all a lie-
Every touch, every kiss.
But I can't erase the memories,
And I can't replace
The time.
I still remember all too well
When I could still claim you as mine.
One thing I won't deny-Every day, you cross my mind.
I don't understand why
I can't let go of this,
Why I can't help but to reminisce...
You're long gone,
Never to return here.
It's just so weird
Feeling the ghost of the past
Bringing back the pain of
Knowing it ended so fast.
Sometimes it's like
You're really still there,
Leaving a kiss on my cheek
Or running your hand through my hair.
It's so hard to hate you
When your smile still makes me melt.
Thinking about it now
Reminds me of how I once felt.
And I just wish for once
I could forget all of this-
Your comfortable embrace,
Your hand on my hip.
I can't understand what brought the change
Why it was suddenly so different,
It just wasn't the same.
Your body used to be so tuned to mine.
They carried the same rhythm,
Spoke the same rhyme.
I guess growing up
Put us off track.
We took different paths-
No looking back.
It's better this way
As I very well know;
But it's like losing a lead actor
And carrying on with the show.
Sometimes I still feel empty
Like I won't ever be who I was before.
This smile plastered on my face
Feels like a mask, nothing more.
I have nightmares of you,
I wake up with your name on the tip of my tongue.
And each time a small part of me comes undone.
My whole body starts to shake
As I lay here,
Still awake.
Awake
I'm afraid to close my eyes;
When I do I see your face.
So here I lay,
Awake.
I feel so out of place
Even in my own mind.
I'm at a loss for speech
Watching time pass me by.
I won't allow the words
To pass my lips,
To say it was all a lie-
Every touch, every kiss.
But I can't erase the memories,
And I can't replace
The time.
I still remember all too well
When I could still claim you as mine.
One thing I won't deny-Every day, you cross my mind.
I don't understand why
I can't let go of this,
Why I can't help but to reminisce...
You're long gone,
Never to return here.
It's just so weird
Feeling the ghost of the past
Bringing back the pain of
Knowing it ended so fast.
Sometimes it's like
You're really still there,
Leaving a kiss on my cheek
Or running your hand through my hair.
It's so hard to hate you
When your smile still makes me melt.
Thinking about it now
Reminds me of how I once felt.
And I just wish for once
I could forget all of this-
Your comfortable embrace,
Your hand on my hip.
I can't understand what brought the change
Why it was suddenly so different,
It just wasn't the same.
Your body used to be so tuned to mine.
They carried the same rhythm,
Spoke the same rhyme.
I guess growing up
Put us off track.
We took different paths-
No looking back.
It's better this way
As I very well know;
But it's like losing a lead actor
And carrying on with the show.
Sometimes I still feel empty
Like I won't ever be who I was before.
This smile plastered on my face
Feels like a mask, nothing more.
I have nightmares of you,
I wake up with your name on the tip of my tongue.
And each time a small part of me comes undone.
My whole body starts to shake
As I lay here,
Still awake.
10 August 2010
And today's topic is... You guessed it! Relationships!
I feel like I've been writing a lot of these lately. I guess that just means there's a lot on my mind. I also feel like since so many people keep agreeing with me on these subjects, I have to keep writing more. Someone has to stand up and say, "Enough!" So why not let that person be me?
Is it me, or are teenagers today destroying the idea of legitimate relationships?
They all think they understand "love". Don't get me wrong, some of us have been in love for real. But there's so many kids out there who date someone for two days and say they're in love. What's up with that? Seriously. Obsession, infatuation, what have you, is not the same as love. Learn the difference. So you feel really strongly about someone, can't get them out of your head, and they're the first thing you think about when you wake up. I don't care what all the song lyrics say; that's not love. I guess you can't really define what love is in reality because we all see and feel it differently. But I promise that it's so much more than what you've heard. You may care a lot about the person you're dating, but don't tell them you love them unless you know you mean it. And trust me, you'll know. It's not a feeling you get after two days. But when you do feel it, you will know that you mean it when you say I love you. It's a crazy emotion that's difficult to control, but waiting to say I love you will make it so much more worth it once the feeling really hits.
And what about the couples that have been "together" for a long time, but are always on/off? I'm not trying to judge. I don't know how any of those couples feel, and what they do is their business. But come on. Do you really need to change your relationship status EVERY OTHER DAY just because you're having another fight? Not only is it annoying to see, but it's pointless. Everyone knows you'll be back together in two days. Here's a tip: If you want to be together, then just do it. Stop breaking up everytime you bicker over something meaningless. If you really love each other, then stop letting the small things get to you. Nobody else is trying to go after either of you anymore because they all know you'll end up getting back together. It gets old. Just stop playing these immature games. Be in a relationship, or don't be in one. It's that simple.
Know what else I'm sick of? Feeling like I need a guy to be happy. I know I'm not the only girl who feels that way too. One of my best friends once told me something extremely smart. It was something along the lines of, "Don't depend on a relationship to be happy; you have to value yourself without the guy otherwise you'll never really be happy in a relationship either." She is so right, but any girl knows, that's easier said than done. We all want to feel special, and we want the right guy there to make that happen. Is it possible to be happy and single? Of course. But it feels so much better knowing that there's the one person there for you no matter what. That one guy who can hold you and kiss away your tears when you're upset. Being alone sucks, plain and simple. Dwelling on it only magnifies the emptiness though. Yeah, there's always friends there to fill the hole. But it seems to me that the more they try to fill that void in my life, the bigger that void becomes. Girls; we CAN be content being on our own. We are strong enough to get through this feeling, especially if we keep each other close. If you're a girl reading this and you feel empty without a relationship, you're not alone. I'm right there with you, and together we can smile and pretend like it doesn't bother us until we inevitably believe it.
Here's another point I feel should be brought up... Yes, there are those boys out there with amazing personalities that would kill to see us smile. But sad as it is, we're all just shallow enough that we may not notice you because we're too focused on the boys who are too attractive for their own good and don't take the time to care. On behalf of all girls everywhere, I apologize to those sweet boys who have been pushed into the "friend zone". We do know you care. I promise. Sometimes we're just so caught up in how hurt we are that other guys aren't paying us any attention that we forget to pay attention to you. I'm still trying to figure out what we see in those other guys when we have such great guys in front of us already... I guess that's just how things are. We'll grow up and see what we missed out on, and by then you'll have found someone better that realized you for your awesomeness sooner than we did. Good guys do win in the end, just give us some time.
I feel like there's more that I should say here... but it's almost 2am and I'm tired and am no longer thinking straight. So that's all for now. :)
Is it me, or are teenagers today destroying the idea of legitimate relationships?
They all think they understand "love". Don't get me wrong, some of us have been in love for real. But there's so many kids out there who date someone for two days and say they're in love. What's up with that? Seriously. Obsession, infatuation, what have you, is not the same as love. Learn the difference. So you feel really strongly about someone, can't get them out of your head, and they're the first thing you think about when you wake up. I don't care what all the song lyrics say; that's not love. I guess you can't really define what love is in reality because we all see and feel it differently. But I promise that it's so much more than what you've heard. You may care a lot about the person you're dating, but don't tell them you love them unless you know you mean it. And trust me, you'll know. It's not a feeling you get after two days. But when you do feel it, you will know that you mean it when you say I love you. It's a crazy emotion that's difficult to control, but waiting to say I love you will make it so much more worth it once the feeling really hits.
And what about the couples that have been "together" for a long time, but are always on/off? I'm not trying to judge. I don't know how any of those couples feel, and what they do is their business. But come on. Do you really need to change your relationship status EVERY OTHER DAY just because you're having another fight? Not only is it annoying to see, but it's pointless. Everyone knows you'll be back together in two days. Here's a tip: If you want to be together, then just do it. Stop breaking up everytime you bicker over something meaningless. If you really love each other, then stop letting the small things get to you. Nobody else is trying to go after either of you anymore because they all know you'll end up getting back together. It gets old. Just stop playing these immature games. Be in a relationship, or don't be in one. It's that simple.
Know what else I'm sick of? Feeling like I need a guy to be happy. I know I'm not the only girl who feels that way too. One of my best friends once told me something extremely smart. It was something along the lines of, "Don't depend on a relationship to be happy; you have to value yourself without the guy otherwise you'll never really be happy in a relationship either." She is so right, but any girl knows, that's easier said than done. We all want to feel special, and we want the right guy there to make that happen. Is it possible to be happy and single? Of course. But it feels so much better knowing that there's the one person there for you no matter what. That one guy who can hold you and kiss away your tears when you're upset. Being alone sucks, plain and simple. Dwelling on it only magnifies the emptiness though. Yeah, there's always friends there to fill the hole. But it seems to me that the more they try to fill that void in my life, the bigger that void becomes. Girls; we CAN be content being on our own. We are strong enough to get through this feeling, especially if we keep each other close. If you're a girl reading this and you feel empty without a relationship, you're not alone. I'm right there with you, and together we can smile and pretend like it doesn't bother us until we inevitably believe it.
Here's another point I feel should be brought up... Yes, there are those boys out there with amazing personalities that would kill to see us smile. But sad as it is, we're all just shallow enough that we may not notice you because we're too focused on the boys who are too attractive for their own good and don't take the time to care. On behalf of all girls everywhere, I apologize to those sweet boys who have been pushed into the "friend zone". We do know you care. I promise. Sometimes we're just so caught up in how hurt we are that other guys aren't paying us any attention that we forget to pay attention to you. I'm still trying to figure out what we see in those other guys when we have such great guys in front of us already... I guess that's just how things are. We'll grow up and see what we missed out on, and by then you'll have found someone better that realized you for your awesomeness sooner than we did. Good guys do win in the end, just give us some time.
I feel like there's more that I should say here... but it's almost 2am and I'm tired and am no longer thinking straight. So that's all for now. :)
09 August 2010
Mirror, Mirror, On the wall...
Too much hip,
Not enough butt.
My jeans never fit how they should.
My body is never good enough.
Too much skin here,
Not enough there.
It's like the mirror was made to taunt me,
Mocking my despair.
I try on an old shirt
But the top is a little tight.
I don't know why I can't squeeze in;
Last month it fit just right!
I don't get it.
All the other girls look so perfect.
Why can't I be like them
Instead of feeling so worthless?
Girls, let's face it: We've all felt like that at some point or another. Like we are worthless and our physical appearance isn't good enough. But who's to say what "perfection" is? I'm sure I've said this before, but I'll say it again. Your imperfections are what make you flawless. I don't think girls give themselves enough credit these days. Why do you let other people judge you? Why do you let a clothing size define you? I don't know who is reading this, but whomever you are, you ARE perfect. Nobody is better at being you than YOU. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to put on a pair of jeans that don't fit me and used to just a few months prior. Or a top that used to be adorable on me, but I try it on and the seam rips. Do I stare at myself in the mirror and say, "God, you got fat!" No. I don't. I look at it as an opportunity to buy newer and cuter clothes that WILL fit. So why don't other girls see it this way? I'll admit I have flaws. I've got big feet for a girl my height. I've got a little more chub in the middle than I'd like. I've got no volume to my butt. My teeth aren't completely straight. My hips are huge. I've got breakouts on my forehead. My nails are bitten down to practically nothing. Do I obsess about these things? No. Do they bother me? To an extent. But I don't let it ruin my life like a lot of you do. Some girls will go so far to try to be "good enough". But what is there that isn't good enough about you already? The fact that you try so hard to be like everyone else instead of just being happy with the way you are, that is what makes you inferior to them. If you don't love yourself first, then how can you expect anyone else to love you? Embrace the beauty in what you consider negatives about yourself. Confidence is key. If you walk into a room and act like you own it (without being cocky), people will see that and automatically go with it. Smile without fear of who is watching, and you'll attract the right kindof attention. The longer you stare at yourself in the mirror, the more things you'll see that are "wrong". So step away and ask yourself what GOOD things you see. Me? I see a great skin tone. Freckles in all the right places. The silkiest hair of anyone I know. Eyes the color of chocolate. My list of good outweighs all the bad things. And when you look beneath the surface, that's when you find the things that truly matter. So what if you're not the prettiest girl? If you let yourself feel beautiful because of what's in your heart, it'll shine through to the surface. Not only is confidence a key factor, but so is happiness. Happiness looks good on anyone, and especially on you. Try it out sometime. I guarantee that smiling more often will alone do wonders to your outer beauty.
My point?
Everyone is shallow to some extent, but in the end looks don't matter. And if they do matter to someone, then that person isn't worth your time. Be loved for who you are, not what you are. Don't ever let someone make you feel low because of snide comments about appearance. You're above that. Words are only words. Your thoughts, your feelings, your opinions; those are the things that should matter most to you. What other people perceive or think isn't important. Live your life for yourself, don't do it to please others. That's a lesson I had a hard time learning, but finally figured out in the end. Take my advice now before you have to find out the hard way.
Your mission?
Write a positive note to yourself. Something small like, "You ARE beautiful!" and put it someplace where you'll see it everyday. Keep it there until you start believing it and no longer need the encouragement. Maybe you'll even want to take it a step farther and put notes in random public places where other girls will find them. Or choose a different friend to compliment each day. Someone somewhere will appreciate your kindness and it will hopefully boost her self esteem. :)
REMEMBER: YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. If you ever need someone to remind you again, talk to me. I'm more than happy to cheer you up!
Not enough butt.
My jeans never fit how they should.
My body is never good enough.
Too much skin here,
Not enough there.
It's like the mirror was made to taunt me,
Mocking my despair.
I try on an old shirt
But the top is a little tight.
I don't know why I can't squeeze in;
Last month it fit just right!
I don't get it.
All the other girls look so perfect.
Why can't I be like them
Instead of feeling so worthless?
Girls, let's face it: We've all felt like that at some point or another. Like we are worthless and our physical appearance isn't good enough. But who's to say what "perfection" is? I'm sure I've said this before, but I'll say it again. Your imperfections are what make you flawless. I don't think girls give themselves enough credit these days. Why do you let other people judge you? Why do you let a clothing size define you? I don't know who is reading this, but whomever you are, you ARE perfect. Nobody is better at being you than YOU. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to put on a pair of jeans that don't fit me and used to just a few months prior. Or a top that used to be adorable on me, but I try it on and the seam rips. Do I stare at myself in the mirror and say, "God, you got fat!" No. I don't. I look at it as an opportunity to buy newer and cuter clothes that WILL fit. So why don't other girls see it this way? I'll admit I have flaws. I've got big feet for a girl my height. I've got a little more chub in the middle than I'd like. I've got no volume to my butt. My teeth aren't completely straight. My hips are huge. I've got breakouts on my forehead. My nails are bitten down to practically nothing. Do I obsess about these things? No. Do they bother me? To an extent. But I don't let it ruin my life like a lot of you do. Some girls will go so far to try to be "good enough". But what is there that isn't good enough about you already? The fact that you try so hard to be like everyone else instead of just being happy with the way you are, that is what makes you inferior to them. If you don't love yourself first, then how can you expect anyone else to love you? Embrace the beauty in what you consider negatives about yourself. Confidence is key. If you walk into a room and act like you own it (without being cocky), people will see that and automatically go with it. Smile without fear of who is watching, and you'll attract the right kindof attention. The longer you stare at yourself in the mirror, the more things you'll see that are "wrong". So step away and ask yourself what GOOD things you see. Me? I see a great skin tone. Freckles in all the right places. The silkiest hair of anyone I know. Eyes the color of chocolate. My list of good outweighs all the bad things. And when you look beneath the surface, that's when you find the things that truly matter. So what if you're not the prettiest girl? If you let yourself feel beautiful because of what's in your heart, it'll shine through to the surface. Not only is confidence a key factor, but so is happiness. Happiness looks good on anyone, and especially on you. Try it out sometime. I guarantee that smiling more often will alone do wonders to your outer beauty.
My point?
Everyone is shallow to some extent, but in the end looks don't matter. And if they do matter to someone, then that person isn't worth your time. Be loved for who you are, not what you are. Don't ever let someone make you feel low because of snide comments about appearance. You're above that. Words are only words. Your thoughts, your feelings, your opinions; those are the things that should matter most to you. What other people perceive or think isn't important. Live your life for yourself, don't do it to please others. That's a lesson I had a hard time learning, but finally figured out in the end. Take my advice now before you have to find out the hard way.
Your mission?
Write a positive note to yourself. Something small like, "You ARE beautiful!" and put it someplace where you'll see it everyday. Keep it there until you start believing it and no longer need the encouragement. Maybe you'll even want to take it a step farther and put notes in random public places where other girls will find them. Or choose a different friend to compliment each day. Someone somewhere will appreciate your kindness and it will hopefully boost her self esteem. :)
REMEMBER: YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. If you ever need someone to remind you again, talk to me. I'm more than happy to cheer you up!
03 August 2010
I don't understand.
Since when did "Let's hang out" turn into meaning "You're cute, and I'm looking for an easy lay"? And why do girls go with it? I don't get it. Am I one of the few girls left with enough self respect to NOT sleep around? I'm not trying to offend any girls that do that, because I'm friends with some who do, and it's none of my business really. But when all the other girls are like that it makes guys expect it to be like that with every girl who says yes to "hanging out", which I find extremely ridiculous. Then there's pressure on those of us who won't fool around the first night meeting someone, and we get tossed aside because we actually want something more meaningful than a random hookup. What's wrong with finding one girl and being in a relationship with her rather than finding a new one every weekend? And why does it seem like I'm the only highschool girl who thinks it's a bad thing to sleep around? I mean, girls call other girls sluts behind their backs for doing it, but they're just being hypocrites. Me?, well I wouldn't be a hypocrite by calling them names, but I don't. I don't know. I just don't see why anyone would want to be with so many different people for just one night things. I'm not saying you're a horrible person if you do it, because 98% of the population probably does it, but personally I find it kindof trashy and gross. But that's just me, and to each her own I guess. What happened to being courted? It's like everything happens out of order nowadays. You meet at a party, online, through a friend, etc. You hang out and before the night is over, that's another person to add to your list of how many people you've been with. After a few weeks, maybe even months, of this behavior you start to actually get to know each other. Then you decide whether or not you like this person, and you may or may not decide to be in a relationship. Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't it go more like this?: You meet, you hang out, you get to know each other and decide whether or not you want it to go somewhere, and then it plays out from there. This goes back to my first question. Did courting die because girls are becoming trashier and trashier with every new set of freshmen to hit highschool? And is a relationship with a friendship-base really so much to ask for? I've tested this all out personally. I've dated a best friend; it was weird, and our friendship was ruined. I've meet someone new and dated him shortly after; it lasted for sixteen months, and was the best relationship I've ever had. I've hooked up with someone I barely knew; it caused way too much drama for my liking. So why don't other girls see it this way? Why don't they take the time to get to know someone before giving themselves away? Even FWBs don't end up working out like you'd think. At one point one of you will actually have legitimate feelings for the other (whether or not he/shes admits it) and the emotional attachment will make it blow up in your faces. I just don't know what to think anymore. Am I asking too much when I say I want to find a guy who will talk to me and know me on a personal level before anything happens between us? Maybe my self esteem is too high and I should lower it to the level of the girls who are willing to do anything for guys. That's probably one reason a lot of girls are so easy. They're told they aren't good enough to find a guy of the standards they want, so they eventually believe it and settle for being with random guys who only want them for sex. NEWSFLASH: You ARE beautiful. Take off the ten pounds of makeup on your face, throw on some jeans and a cute shirt, fix your hair, and go out. I guarantee at least one guy will look your way. If you go out feeling confident, it'll show, and I promise it'll make it easier to find a sincere guy who actually cares. You don't need makeup, short skirts, or lowcut tops to get guys. Trust me. If you don't believe me, take a look at Emily Chatman, Eva Kahn, Brooke Rogers, Ciara Hall, even me. None of us go out looking trashy and we could all get any guy we wanted if we tried. So why do you all think you have to look like a skank to get noticed? That's not the kindof attention you want. Remember, just because you sleep with him doesn't mean he feels anything for you. The only feelings he's having at that point are the ones in his pants. Sex isn't love, and don't let him trick you into thinking he's going to stick around after the morning.
Sorry for this random rant. I had a lot on my mind, and hopefully some of you can help me figure out the answers to why girls are so trashy. Skanks make the rest of the female population look bad. Get some class, girls, and then I'll listen to your opinions.
So what made you think that he couldn't find the door in the morning
When he found that bed so easily in the dark?
--Cute is What We Aim For <3
Sorry for this random rant. I had a lot on my mind, and hopefully some of you can help me figure out the answers to why girls are so trashy. Skanks make the rest of the female population look bad. Get some class, girls, and then I'll listen to your opinions.
So what made you think that he couldn't find the door in the morning
When he found that bed so easily in the dark?
--Cute is What We Aim For <3
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