What to Do?

You know, as much as I love this school and the people here... and as much as it feels like a home to me... I'm freaking bored. Even when I'm with friends, doing homework, whatever. I am bored all the time. I feel like college isn't the right place for me. That sounds bad, right? Whatever. It's true. Honestly, no matter what degree I get, I don't think it's going to make a difference at all. I just want to be a mom, that's about it. And to do that, I don't need a degree in music, theatre, or English.

I know I'm supposed to be this really driven girl who strives to achieve anything. And I am! I am trying to do so much here without overwhelming myself, and I love being involved in the things I am doing, but the actual education part doesn't seem to fit well. You're probably thinking, "She's just like every other student, unsure of what she wants in life. By this time next year she'll have her major declared, no problem." Uh, wrong. I know exactly what I want in life. And what I want does not require a four-year college degree. Honestly, I feel like this is just something I'm doing to keep busy and to keep my mom from being upset with me about not going to school.

No, it's not the school's fault. I sincerely love Hollins. The girls here are fantastic and fun, and I enjoy their company. No, it's not just homesickness. Yes, I do miss home, but this also feels like home to me now. I feel like the only reason I went to school was because my parents pushed me so hard because they didn't want to see me not go through college, or decide later on that I wish I had. My mom took about ten years to get her four-year degree because she started an unplanned family. She wanted to go to school, education was for her. But I'm not stupid, I'm not naive, and I just feel that no matter what subject I am learning about, it isn't interesting enough or isn't going to do me any good.

So what, I'll walk out of here with a four-year degree, most likely in music, right? But I don't want to teach, and that will never change. I'm not a composer. I don't want to be involved in the music industry. So what good will that degree actually do me? I could always do something in science, math, psychology, etc. But why would I want to take classes that bore me? That defeats the whole purpose of a liberal arts school.

I don't know anymore really. People from work always joked about how I would never want to work at Subway for the rest of my life, which I don't. But that doesn't mean I can't just stay there until Sebastian finishes school, and start my life from there. There is nothing wrong with working there as a manager for years. Nothing at all. I would not be ashamed to say I work there either. McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, etc... Yeah I would NOT want to work there forever. But I honestly loved Subway and the location I worked at. And I could definitely do that for another four or five years. But school? It's not that I'm lazy, because if you knew me at all you'd know I am one of the hardest workers you'll ever meet. It's just that I don't want to waste my time and money on an education I won't even use in the future, only to put myself into debt for the rest of my life, when I could be working full-time and saving up money for my future.

When I think about it, I know what the logical answer is. I know what most people think I should do. I know what I want to. And in the end, what I want and feel is most important, right? It's not even been a month here yet, so I'll stick it out this semester. But the question is, how do I tell my mom over winter break before the next semester starts? :/