This is New

Ever since our garage/house fire in mid-July, everything around me has slowly but surely been changing. And now after being in college for a month, absolutely nothing is the same. I'm not sure if I like these changes yet or not.

First our garage burned down, and part of the roof of our house; we relocated to a hotel but after a few days I couldn't handle it and went to stay at my grandma's, and occasionally friends' houses when I was able to. Moving out mid-July was awful. I only had a little over a month left until school, and I was floating around from place to place and trying to deal with not having my own personal space for a long time. When I came to school it was a little better because I had my own official bed and space, but now I'm sharing a room. Not that it's a problem; I like Julia (my roommate) a lot. I just miss my own room. And now when I go home, the entire house will be remodeled and redecorated and I'm not even going to recognize it anymore. I hate that I didn't appreciate the comfort of the familiarity when I had the chance.

A few days ago, I got dumped. We'd been together for nearly a full year at this point, and he had even bought me a promise ring a couple weeks before I left for school. I understand long distance is difficult, but if you really love someone that much, you'll make it work, right? Apparently not. He said his feelings changed. Whatever. All I know that's true about this is that I'm alone now, and have to adjust to being single for the first time in an entire year. It's scary as hell thinking about putting myself out there again. I've never been dumped before, and any pain I've felt of a breakup was always my own doing. But having my heart really and truly broken for the first time? I don't even have words to describe how much it hurts. And although I am doing much better now than I was before, that doesn't mean it's stopped hurting or that I no longer think about it. I do, every day, all day. It kills me to know I've lost such a great relationship just because he doesn't want to deal with me being so far from home, or because I'm now an inconvenience in his life and no longer part of his life plans. It's tragic, really. But, as Taylor Swift once wrote, "People are people and sometimes we change our minds, but it's killing me to see you go after all this time." I wish him the best, I really do, but I'm going to miss him like crazy. I guess things happen for a reason, of course, I'm just not sure what that reason is yet. I hope I figure it out someday.

So, let's recount: house fire, college life, single. Doesn't sound so bad in the end, does it? I guess it's not the end of the world, but some days it feels like it. On the upside, I've been talking to a lot of my guy friends more frequently now, and that's amazing. I forgot how great it was to have a guy friend that was JUST a friend and not a boyfriend. Now I remember why I enjoy their company so much. Girls might understand the whole situation better from their perspective, but guys are much more comforting and are better at boost self esteem. I love all of my friends that have helped me through everything though. If any of them are reading this, you're the best! I don't know where I would be without my friends. <3

A huge part of me misses what I used to have and the way things were, but I know I can never get that back no matter how much I wish for it. All I can do is pick up where things are now and keep trying to move forward. It's not easy, but I don't have any other choice unless I want to sit here every day and be depressed, moping about how I hate everything now and want to reverse time. That would be pointless, and I would hate to live a pointless existence.

What happens now? I'm not really sure yet. I'm still working on figuring out my next move. This whole being single and away at college thing is new to me. Guess I'll enjoy it while it lasts!