This One's for Patrick

Patrick,
I can't be one of those friends who tells you, "I know how you feel," because I don't. I've never lost a sibling, so I can't completely comprehend how you must be feeling. I can imagine it must be unbearable though, and I hate to see a family as great as yours have to go through something as terrible as this.
I never met Peter, but from what I had heard of him, he's was a really amazing guy. I remember last year, Jessica and I were doing a video project for English and decided to watch E.G.'s for an example. I'm pretty sure it had E.G., Peter, Kelsey, and Tony, and probably a couple others that I can't remember. We watched the uncut version, and it was undoubtedly some of the funniest stuff I've ever seen. They did some of the dumbest stuff in it, but it was great. So at least I knew he had a good sense of humor. :) And I know he also had a lot of good people for friends; people who really cared about him and are truly going to miss him.
I don't know about you're relationship with him. I don't know if you were the kind of brothers who fought about stupid things, or the kind who were best friends. Maybe you were even the kind of brothers who barely acknowledged each other. I don't know. But I don't think that matters much. Whether or not you were really close isn't important. What is important is that you loved him, even if you didn't show it. And if I know you at all, then I know you probably really loved him and always will, and you probably looked up to him in some way or another. I know that even though I don't let it show, I definitely look up to Natali. I love her and respect her, and I can't ever imagine losing her. If you and Peter had a relationship somewhat parallel to my relationship with Natali, then I know you have to be practically dead inside right now.
I'm sure you've heard this many times from a lot of different people, but I am sincerely sorry about this terrible accident. I know that apologizing for something that isn't my fault won't change what happened, but that's not why I'm saying it. I want you to know that when I tell you I'm here for you, I mean it. I don't want to see you upset, or in any kind of pain, and I would do anything for you just to make you smile. I mean that. Peter was 19. He didn't get a chance to really live his life yet, and it was unfair for that opportunity to be taken away from someone who could do so much for the world. He did nothing to deserve his life to end like this; your entire family did nothing to deserve pain like this.
Writing this to you may not make anything better for you, but I'm saying all of this with the small sliver of hope that it might. Everyone has been bothering you about this, and I know it has to be driving you insane. That's why I asked whether or not you would want me to go to the visitation. I didn't want to be one of those annoying people who has no reason to be upset. And when I saw you yesterday, I almost cried. I remembered how on Wednesday morning at school I saw you right around 8:00 and I thought about saying hi to you, but didn't. I wish I had though, even though it wouldn't make much difference to anything.
When I saw you yesterday, you weren't crying. It looked like you wanted to, but it seemed like you had cried so much already that you just couldn't anymore. Seeing Brad cry made me want to cry, but I didn't. I didn't shed a tear the entire time. And then when I saw your mom, oh gosh... I knew she would be completely devastated still. But seeing her that upset wasn't as bad as seeing you so completely frozen. You were more unsettling to me than she was, and that still bothers me a bit. Maybe I felt like if you weren't crying, I had no reason to cry either, and that might've been what kept me from it. I don't know.
What I do know, Patrick, is that you are an absolute sweetheart. I can't stand seeing you upset in any way, especially when the only way you can be is solid stone. You're tough, but I know you aren't tough enough to do this on your own. And I just want you to know that I will always be here for you. We've had our rocky past, but that's not going to change the way I feel about our friendship. Sure, we might not talk a lot like we used to. That doesn't mean I'm not going to be here to listen. My phone is always on, and if I don't pick up, keep calling until I do. Because I will eventually answer as soon as I hear it ringing. When I see you tomorrow, you can bet I will say hi this time. And every time I see you after that? I'll say hi. Not because I feel sorry for you, but because I want you to see that I really am here for you anytime you need me. I hope that if/when I need a friend, you'll be one of the first at my side, helping me through it just like I'm trying to do for you.

Best wishes, Patrick,

Love, your friend. :)