I've forgotten how to write.

I've forgotten how to write.
I don't remember how a poem is crafted.
Does it have to rhyme?
How does the punctuation work?
What the hell are stanzas for?
If I can't tell you what I mean
How am I supposed to show you?
Would it help if I
Broke up the lines,
Guided you through
Word by word letter by letter?
Surely that seems to be
A tiny, itty bit better?
(Bad rhymes? Okay, I'll fix it later.)
Excessive adjectives can be thrown out.
But tell me,
How can I begin to describe without
Adjectives?
Every line keeps getting
Scribbled out.
No good, no good, no good.
See?
I've forgotten how to write.

Who am I living for?

Write. I keep telling myself to write. Keep telling myself that I will. That I'm just busy right now. Busy with school. With work. Relationships.Too busy to have time to write.

I used to write. All the time, actually. My thoughts, my feelings. I wrote about my fears, my accomplishments, my mistakes. My life.

I don't write anymore. No, I'm not too busy. I'm lazy. Tired. Burnt out. I wrote for ten years. Poetry, short stories, memoirs, letters. I wrote those things for me, until I didn't. Until one day I realized I was writing because it was expected. Because that's what I was told to do. Because that's what they wanted. Not what I wanted.

What I want doesn't matter. Not anymore. I'm trapped in a life that isn't even my own. It's the result of others' hopes and dreams. They created this life I live. I do what I am told, what they expect me to do. I do not question aloud, do not say no. I can't. Not unless I want to become a disappointment. Another dream that did not work out. A failure.

I want to be happy. I make others happy instead. I pretend their happiness is equivalent to my own. I let them live vicariously through me. I do not live. Not really. This life is not mine. It's theirs.

Boy Meets World always had the best life lessons.

I miss the days when TV was mostly shows like Full House, Boy Meets World, or 7th Heaven. These shows and others like them actually were wholesome, and you could watch them with the family without worrying about them influencing children in a negative way. There were always lessons to be learned, no matter what age you were when you watched them. Lately, I've been watching Boy Meets World a lot in the afternoons when they play episodes on MTV2. One of the episodes today had one of the greatest lessons about love that I've ever learned.

*After Cory's parents have a huge (pretend) fight and make up immediately*

Cory: What just happened here?
Topanga: You two just said horrible things to each other, then got all lovey-dovey.
Cory: Hey! I was gonna say that! How come you say that when I was gonna say that?
Topanga: Who cares who says it as long as it gets said?
Cory: Then what are we arguing about?
Topanga: ...we sound like them.
Cory: Oh no, we do. [To his parents] W-why do we sound like you?
Shawn: Because you love each other. No matter what crazy things he says or does, you still love each other.
Cory: Then why did we break up?
Shawn: Because we're in high school, and you think you're supposed to.
Amy: But when two people are really in love, it doesn't matter that they're in disagreement sometimes. It comes with the territory.
Alan: Now when two people are really in love, they don't break up just because they have a fight. Love would be pretty dull if you agreed about everything.
Amy: Besides, then they'd never get to make up.


I don't think I need to say much else about that.