Reflections

Have you ever just sat down and thought about your choices? "What if I had done this one thing differently? How would the outcome have changed?" When making decisions it's so easy to choose an option with a definite outcome. But what about the other choice? Would things be simpler if you had chosen differently? Would it have made you happier in the long run, to walk the other path?

Hindsight is 20/20. Foresight? It's a guessing game. What makes you happy now could be devastating in the future. What seems to be wrong now can be the right thing to do. You never know what will happen until the actions are played out, and by then it might be too late to correct any mistakes. You can't change the past, but how can you fix the future if you aren't sure which present choice is the one that will get you where you want to be?

The way I see it, I have infinite options. There's millions of paths I could take to get to my final destination, and even more sidepaths along the way. But which route do I take? The easiest and clearest route? The one that will be tough, but worth the struggle? Or do I take a few steps back, and go the way I always wondered about, to find out what could have been?

I could lie and tell you I'm happy being alone, and follow my yellow brick road to where I've always dreamed of going. I could let myself love you the way I should have to begin with, and deal with the stress of mending all those breaks in our relationship and glue the pieces back together to end up with something that will always be less than perfect. Or, (dare I say it?), I could rewind two years and take chances on unfamiliar roads that I previously ignored out of fear. I could take this learning experience I had with you and start over with someone else and feel the rush of a new relationship.

There are so many separate ways I could venture off onto... But life is a journey not a destination. It's not where I want to end up, but what I do along the way to get where I'm going. When I look back on everything what do I want to see? What do I want to remember? Or, better yet, who do I want to remember being with me?

That's the million dollar question, isn't it? Do I want to see you by my side for the rest of my journey? Or do I want to go alone and hope I make it out okay on my own? I change my mind a thousand times a day, and with something like this, it might takes months or even years for me to be sure of my decision, to know which choice is the right one. But I don't have the luxury of time. You won't wait around forever.

So what happens next?